Every night I put my son to bed I ask him if has anything he would like to say to me before we sing songs and say goodnight.
Sometimes he will have question of something that is confusing to him like, “What are bones?”, or he will share that he had a good day. Sometimes I will ask him for feedback in my role as his dad, This is a chance for me to us to take offer our roles and meet as equal human beings and for him to tell me his ideas, concerns and complaints of how I could do better in my role that would better serve him.
“Is there anything I can do better or you didn’t like?” I asked him this night.
On this particular day when I asked him this I had created a lot of my own frustration with his eating, transitions, bathroom breaks, etc. I was also feeling lots of stressors related to my adult world concerns and the uncertainty and anxiety of these pandemic days.
When I asked him if there was anything he would like me to do better, differently, more of, less of, he looked me square in the eyes with a stillness of a sage and said, “Be happy.”
I was shocked with a bolt of awe as I watched his calm demeanor delivering such profound wisdom.
One of the lessons that echoed in his simple directive was “BE” not “feel” happy.
His words seemed particularly wise because I had not been in touch with the energy of happiness in some time. Generally, I tend to downplay happiness and focus on what is meaningful, but when my son said simply, “Be happy” I understood that I was missing a connection to a vital force of joy, lightness, happiness that he exudes so easily.
Being happy is a sense of allowing that inner state of being to flow outwardly.
I want to focus on being happy with him not happy with his behavior or his ability to fulfill my expectations. I want to let happy be in my energy, attitude, and tone and let this be what I share , surround and nurture him with. He is such a great teacher at this as he shares his happiness so easily and freely with me.
I am aware that adults are so dangerously capable of crushing the natural state of being happy that all children are born with.
The next day my attitude and energy was very different with him. I carried within me the mantra to “be happy”
My heart was more free flowing of happiness, curiosity, acceptance and love with him.
He has a habit of sometimes standing up on his chair in a way that is a bit dangerous. On this day, I simply looked at him and he said “You love me?” remembering times in the past when I have said “I love you and I don’t want you to slip out of your chair fall so sit down on your bum.”
He preemptively heard my usual speech of safety and sat back down. I kissed him and said “Yes, I love you.”
Parenting was easier this day as I found myself more relaxed and his behavior more cooperative because there was connection, play and happiness in our state of being within and between each of us.
I am humbled and grateful for the wisdom of a 3 year old.